


Pot, Kettle, Black

by angrytourist



Series: complex anatomy [4]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Cannibalism, Canon-Typical Violence, Dubious Consent, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 04:56:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2137773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrytourist/pseuds/angrytourist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki should stop thinking <i>it can’t get any worse</i> because it obviously can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pot, Kettle, Black

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr user saezutte summarized some of the novels and made my “rich young master” headcanon for Tsukiyama ACTUAL CANON and I am SO HAPPY because that was going to be plot-important later on (or at least plot-relevant???). If the idea of elitist baby Tsukiyama thrills you, as well it should, go check those out.
> 
> To everyone who’s commented/left kudos/read so far, you guys are awesome. I’m kind of… awkward, I guess, about responding directly to comments because I never know what to say, but it’s definitely appreciated. I guess if it’s something you want a reply to, though, let me know and I totally will.

The bath water was just beginning to cool. Kaneki knew his hands were probably pruning, but he didn’t care, staring blankly at the stack of books on the stool beside the tub, willing his body to relax. He knew all sorts of meditations from when he was younger and his mother would sit on his bed at night, saying _now focus on your feet and breathe with me, one two…_ Nothing worked.

A knock sounded on the door. Kaneki remained silent.

“Kaneki-kun, I’ve left clothes outside the door.” Tsukiyama sounded wistful. “I could bring them in--”

“I’m fine,” he interrupted. The last thing he needed was to be naked in a room with Tsukiyama. “I’ll be out soon.”

Tsukiyama said nothing else, presumably having grown bored of lurking outside the bathroom. Kaneki got out of the tub, shaking his hair roughly and spraying the mirror with droplets of water. He suspected Tsukiyama would hate that and would have left it, but his mother raised him right. He dried himself off with one of the towels hanging and then swiped it over the mirror.

True to his word, Tsukiyama had left clothes outside the door - his clothes. New ones, Kaneki would wager, because they looked pristine, no wrinkles and not a thread out of place. They had all of Tsukiyama’s height and trailed past his hands and feet like he was a child playing dress up with their parent’s clothes. The sight of himself in the mirror stung his dignity.

A more rational part of him suggested that he had no reason to be irritated. Wouldn’t it have been creepy if Tsukiyama just happened to keep spare clothes his size around? Kaneki wouldn’t much have liked that either.

No sense in putting it off. He’d been in the bathroom for what must have been a long time. He had a hazy recollection of Tsukiyama coming to get him and then leaving him in the bathroom because Kaneki needed to get all the blood off.

Kaneki flexed his hands. They still felt dirty, and he expected to see red if he looked at them. He had no plans of looking.

“You’re done?” Tsukiyama’s voice carried down the long elegantly decorated hall as soon as he opened the door. “I’m in the sitting room.”

The house itself wasn’t especially large. It was what was in the house that was impressive, the paintings and busts, the traditional decor, and bookshelves filled from top to bottom. The one he’d gone to the first time he’d met up with Tsukiyama had been much bigger, but apparently it hadn’t been his house. He’d just… borrowed it. Presumably after killing its owners.

Kaneki’s stomach flopped, and he stumbled, the reminder of just who he was with as potently sickening as the reminder of why he was there.

Tsukiyama was reading the paper when Kaneki walked into the room. Something about the way he sat and held the paper looked too posed, like he’d been waiting to create a certain image. His eyes raked over Kaneki, pausing at the fabric pooling around his feet, the triple rolled sleeves. He smiled. “Much better. Blood doesn’t suit you. You shouldn’t eat so messily,” he chided. 

Kaneki sat on the loveseat across from Tsukiyama’s armchair, back ramrod. “I don’t want to eat at all.” His voice came out strained, a whisper of his earlier panic in the way he stumbled over _eat_.

“You’ve experienced how denying your nature feels. Is that really how you want to continue? Your next meal could be a lot closer to home.”

Hide’s face came to mind. Kaneki closed his eyes and reminded himself to breathe. “I don’t want that either,” he said. “I don’t want any of it.”

“Do you want to die?” There was hunger in Tsukiyama’s voice, a deep and insatiable wanting. Kaneki had no doubt he would help him if that was the choice he made.

“No.” He’d cling stubbornly to life until the bitter end.

If his answer disappointed Tsukiyama, it didn’t show on his face. “Then you’ll need to compromise,” he said. “And you’ll need someone with experience to guide you.”

“And you’re volunteering.”

“You already knew that,” Tsukiyama pointed out, “along with my price.”

Price? Kaneki figured he was just too classy to say he wanted Kaneki to be his live-in snack. “I’m not going to let you eat me,” he said flatly. “I don’t need your help.”

Tsukiyama nodded agreeably. “I suppose you’ll continue hunting on your own,” he said. “Though I wonder where you’ll live.”

Kaneki’s heart skipped a beat. “What do you mean?” His voice trembled. What was wrong with his apartment?

“What do you remember of last night?” Tsukiyama stared at him, his expression unreadable.

“I--I was hungry. I killed someone.” Kaneki looked at the floor. “I _ate_ someone.”

“That’s true, but you’re only looking at the big things,” Tsukiyama said. “You should pay closer attention to the details if you want to live comfortably among the humans.”

“I don’t understand.”

Tsukiyama closed the paper and showed him the front. It was the local paper for Ward 20. Then he opened it up and took out a page, handing it to him. “Bottom right.”

The article was small, not something he would have paid much attention to beyond glancing at the picture if he’d bothered to pick up the paper. But the picture--it was his building. The article was about a disturbance reported. “Seeking a missing resident for questioning,” he muttered, “first year student at Kamii…” Him. The article was about _him_.

“I made a few calls around after I read it,” Tsukiyama said, casual and unconcerned. “It appears you left quite a mess.”

Kaneki tried to remember going home after Nishio attacked him, but it was all a blur. He’d been _so hungry_. “Did I hurt one of my neighbors?”

“Scared them, I believe. I know someone who knows someone,” he made a vague gesture with his hand as though to say _you know how it is_ , “they found your blood all over the place. And unknown blood in the kitchen and fridge.” He gave Kaneki a disapproving look. “They’ll be reporting it to the CCG, no doubt.”

Kaneki should stop thinking _it can’t get any worse_ because it obviously can.

“I can’t go home?” His vision blurred. He didn’t want to look weak in front Tsukiyama, someone who clearly fancied himself a predator, but his life was crumbling in front of him and nothing he did could stop it. Rubbing his arm across his eyes, Kaneki swallowed. “I don’t have anywhere else.”

Tsukiyama looked pained. “Have I been speaking to myself?” he wondered aloud. “I don’t know how I can make it any clearer, Kaneki-kun. You’ll stay with _me_.”

“I’m not going to give you what you want.”

“I think you are.” Tsukiyama pitied him, or else thought that he did. Kaneki wasn’t convinced the man could feel much beyond self-satisfaction. “I won’t stop you from leaving, of course, but you should know what might be waiting for you if you do.”

Nothing, if he was lucky. The CCG or the police otherwise, and considering the way his life had gone so far, Kaneki wasn’t sure what to do. The urge to leave and get himself killed to spite Tsukiyama occurred to him.

“You say you can help me.” He took a long, slow breath. “How?”

Tsukiyama sat back in the armchair, looking like a young lord in his over-the top purple suit and cravat. “I can show you how to hunt--without getting caught. How often to do it, how to use your kagune--”

“Kagune? The, uh,” Kaneki wiggled his fingers, “claws?”

“ _Non_! Claws--how barbaric. The kagune is a limb, Kaneki-kun, a muscle. And it is imperative to control it. Do you know your type?”

“Um,” Kaneki said, thrown.

“I thought not. We’ll get to that another time.” Tsukiyama looked impatient for a moment before slipping back into his usual pleasant facade. “Perhaps you should tell me what you _do_ know about ghouls.”

“They eat people,” Kaneki began, but Tsukiyama cut him off.

“ _We_ , Kaneki-kun.”

Kaneki’s stomach turned, but he could hardly argue that point after the previous night. “We eat people,” he started again. “That’s… I mean, that’s pretty much it. Stronger, faster--”

“And all around better,” Tsukiyama finished. “Although it should be said that some of us are better than others. We are all different.” It was clear who he thought fit into the ‘better’ category. “Everything you need to know, I can tell you. Everything you need to learn, I can show you. Think about it, Kaneki-kun.” 

He did, but the thought made him sick. He didn’t want to eat people, and he certainly didn’t want to be eaten, whether he lived through it or not. He didn’t want to die, but if those were the options left to him, Kaneki could hardly say he wanted to live. He wanted nothing. To sleep, maybe, to forget. He wanted to see Hide and eat human food together. He wanted to graduate college. He wanted to be part of the world, to not have to hide within a cleverly transparent subculture.

Kaneki drew his knees up under his chin. Tsukiyama watched him, looking every bit a predator. “I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

“You always have a choice,” Tsukiyama said philosophically, “just not always with the options you’d like.” He wasn’t going to let Kaneki slide by with a half-answer. He wanted to hear consent given for whatever reason. Probably because Kaneki didn’t want to give it.

He felt disgusted with himself, with Tsukiyama, with everything. He wanted to go home. Instead, he nodded slowly. “All right.” It was out of his hands. If there was another, better option, Kaneki didn’t know of it. _It’s not forever _, he told himself. Just until he learned what he needed or something better came along, whichever came first. “So that means I have to…” He couldn’t say it.__

__“Of course. But not now. I don’t like to rush a good meal.” Tsukiyama laughed. If Kaneki squinted and tilted his head, he could maybe see how someone might think Tsukiyama was charming._ _

__Maybe._ _

__xxx_ _

__Tsukiyama said he had to run errands. He gave Kaneki free reign in the house before he left, saying that he didn’t know when he’d be back._ _

__Kaneki made coffee. He sat and drank it, browsing through the bookshelf in the sitting room. Most of them were classics in various languages, the sort of thing you’d leave out so people thought you were intellectual. He’d grab one, sit down with it, and then feel too restless to read so he’d go back to the kitchen for a coffee. It was a vicious cycle, not to mention mind-numbing. It was better than thinking, though._ _

__Every time he gave himself a moment to do nothing, the previous night flickered in his mind, a rapid series of disjointed images, tinged with red._ _

__Finding the television was a godsend, but it was in Tsukiyama’s room, the master suite. The bed was enormous and probably comfortable, but Kaneki couldn’t bring himself to sit on it. Instead, he sat at the foot of the bed, remote in hand. He found himself watching the news before it occurred to him whether or not that was a good idea. He didn’t see anything about himself, though. A much bigger story had hit than a college student disappearing in suspicious circumstances._ _

__The anchorman was discussing the recent execution of a ghoul. A woman. They showed her picture, and Kaneki marveled at how normal she looked._ _

__They released no names, but a ward-wide search was being conducted for the ghoul’s daughter. They had no picture, only a very generic description. Most of the attention, however, was being given to the ghoul child’s rescuer, a ghoul code-named Rabbit. Several investigators were dead. The anchorman said that reinforcements would be coming. Kaneki wasn’t sure what to make of that._ _

__He turned off the television, suddenly overwhelmed. The ghoul they were looking for was just a kid. A kid couldn’t be evil, no matter what they were… could they? He tried to picture her but only succeeded in conjuring a memory of his younger cousin’s face, innocent and utterly incapable of violence. The idea of the CCG hunting _her_ made him simultaneously angry and terrified. _ _

__It made him wonder what the real difference was._ _

__Everything came back to that: ghouls versus humans. Though the two were completely intertwined, both sides tried to live independent of one another. It didn’t seem to be working._ _

___And I’m not a part of either anymore_ , Kaneki thought glumly. It was frightening place to be, caught between two groups and yet wholly excluded from both._ _

__Kaneki didn’t hear the door, too caught up in his thoughts._ _

__“Waiting for me in bedroom?” Tsukiyama asked as he set down an expensive-looking leather case next to the armoire, a bizarre mask dangling around his neck. “ _Très bien_! You’re always such a delight, Kaneki-kun.” He sounded as though he might swoon._ _

__“I was watching television!” Kaneki squawked, jumping to his feet. “This is the only one in the house!”_ _

__Tsukiyama didn’t respond to that, instead pulling off his mask and hanging it on a wallhook before stalking over to Kaneki and cupping his cheek, staring down at him dreamily. Before Kaneki could ask what the hell he thought he was doing, Tsukiyama nuzzled his ear, running his face down the side of Kaneki’s neck, forcing him to tilt his head at an awkward angle. “Truly delightful,” he said, breathless._ _

__Kaneki ripped out of Tsukiyama’s grip. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He crossed his arms tightly over his chest, shrinking into himself._ _

__Tsukiyama smoothed a hand over his hair, visibly collecting himself. “I hope you haven’t forgotten our deal.” His cheeks were dusted red._ _

__“I--” That was right. “I haven’t.” But he _wished_ he had. Then he remembered something else: “Did you hear about the ghoul the police are looking for? The girl?”_ _

__Tsukiyama gave him a blank look. “Should I have?”_ _

__“The news said the CCG was sending in backup--”_ _

__“You mean Rabbit?” Tsukiyama actually looked amused._ _

__“That’s what they called one of them.” Anything was better than talking about Tsukiyama chewing on him. “Do you know him?”_ _

__“Her,” Tsukiyama corrected. “Vaguely. She’s cute,” he tacked on as though Kaneki should care._ _

__“Uh, right.” Kanki shuffled his feet. “Well. Where were you?”_ _

__“Business,” Tsukiyama glanced back at his suitcase._ _

__“You have a job?” That was impossible to picture._ _

__“I’m independently wealthy. My family,” Tsukiyama shrugged. “I do have the occasional lucrative venture in the organ trade, though.”_ _

__That, Kaneki could imagine. “That’s creepy,” he said bluntly._ _

__“I’m hardly the first ghoul to think of it.” Tsukiyama gave him a long look, then his smile widened. “You’re trying to distract me! It won’t work. I’ve had a busy night. A snack,” the word sounded lewd the way he dragged it out, “sounds perfect.”_ _

__Kaneki backed up until he hit a wall, Tsukiyama advancing with him step-for-step. “What if I don’t want--”_ _

__“You said reinforcements were being called in.” Tsukiyama was already in his personal space, hands on his hips, fingers teasing under his shirt. “Do you know what that means?”_ _

__Mouth dry, Kaneki shook his head. “No.”_ _

__“The Doves,” Tsukiyama supplied, eyes wandering up and down Kaneki’s body, unsure of where to start. “Investigators who can hold their own with ghouls--who are stronger, faster. They use weapons made of the kagune of ghoul’s they’ve killed.” His hands dragged down to Kaneki’s belt, resting there._ _

__“Why are you telling me this?”_ _

__“Because if you want to survive them, you’ll have to be able to control your kagune.” Tsukiyama’s smile went razor sharp. “You’ll have to fight like a ghoul.”_ _

__Kaneki knew where he was going with that. “You’re going to teach me.”_ _

__Eyes flickering down Kaneki’ body, then up to his eyes, Tsukiyama replied, “For a price.”_ _

__“I don’t see why having a bite of me means you need to have your hands all over me.” Kaneki’s voice was unsteady._ _

__“It doesn’t have to hurt. I can make it pleasant for you.”_ _

__Kaneki smacked his hands away. “I don’t _want_ to enjoy this,” he bit out. “I want to get it over with!”_ _

__The smile slipped off Tsukiyama’s face. “If that’s what you want. Go,” he stepped away. “Lay down.”_ _

__“Shouldn’t we go somewhere easier to clean up?” Kaneki asked, uncertainty flaring now that the time had arrived._ _

__“If you were anyone else, I’d agree. But I’m hoping the scent will linger.”_ _

__Kaneki wanted to scream, but he crawled onto the bed anyway, sitting awkwardly at the head. The bed really was soft. Kaneki could easily have closed his eyes and drifted off._ _

__“Changed your mind?” Tsukiyama asked hopefully._ _

__“Not a chance.” Kaneki refused to look at him. He didn’t want to give him any satisfaction._ _

__“Pity.” Tsukiyama looked him over again. “I don’t know where to start,” he admitted. “All of you smells so good.”_ _

__Kaneki scooted away. “I thought you just said a bite.” Fear rekindled, he was beginning to rethink their deal._ _

__“I did. But I didn’t say where.”_ _

__“Just--hurry up!” He wanted to get out of there._ _

__Tsukiyama hummed thoughtfully before sitting back on his knees. “Take off your shirt. It’s in the way.” His face reddened again, his eyes going glazed. Kaneki complied, suspicious that a snack was not all Tsukiyama would get out of it._ _

__The moment his shirt was off, Tsukiyama ripped it out of his hands and tossed it over the side of the bed. He pushed Kaneki down on his back, one large hand flat against his chest. “I can see why Rize hunted you,” he said, voice going hoarse. “You’re so _soft_ ,” his hand trailed down over Kaneki’s stomach, touch deceptively gentle. “I can’t imagine how you’ll taste.”_ _

__Goosebumps dotted Kaneki’s skin, lining the path of Tsukiyama’s hand. His body flushed, reacting contrary to his mind. “Stop stalling,” he said through clenched teeth._ _

__Tsukiyama pressed his face to Kaneki’s side where Nishio had wounded him, inhaling deeply. “I could make this so much better for you.” Another deep breath. “Remember that, next time.”_ _

__Kaneki wanted to argue that no matter how many times he did this, he’d never want Tsukiyama to touch him, but then Tsukiyama shifted, crawling over Kaneki. Something rubbed against his knee, and Kaneki knew instantly that Tsukiyama was hard, discretely rutting against Kaneki’s knee at the thought of eating him._ _

__“You’re sick,” Kaneki wanted to say, but an indescribable pain sliced through his awareness. Tsukiyama’s head bobbed slightly, teeth cutting into Kaneki’s flesh. He ate like a wild dog, ripping and gnashing and slurping. The pain froze Kaneki, his body taut beneath Tsukiyama. Tiny whimpers, like an animal in pain, echoed in his ears, and he detachedly noted they were coming from him._ _

__Tsukiyama never stopped moving against Kaneki’s knee. He slid fluidly against him at first, then stuttered out of control. He came lapping up the blood from the sizable chunk he’d bitten out of his side._ _

__Kaneki _ached_. The blood loss and pain left him faint, and his mouth felt cottony. Tsukiyama was still moaning, a low stilted sound. “Kaneki-kun,” he panted, “you… taste so _good_.” He sounded awed, and when he finally pulled his face away from Kaneki’s torso, blood caked his chin, mouth, and cheeks. The sight of it made Kaneki ill._ _

__Tsukiyama sat up on the side of the bed, breathing heavy as he loosened his tie and pulled off his blazer, rolling up his sleeves. Though he looked a mess, he made an effort of composure before standing. “I’ll get you something to eat.” He still sounded dazed. “You’ll heal quicker. Stay there.”_ _

__Had Kaneki been in a better condition, he would have rolled his eyes. He couldn’t move for the pain. Where was he going to go?_ _

__When Tsukiyama came back, he hand fed him pieces of cooked meat from a box. He claimed to have made it himself. “I run a restaurant,” he said, idly pushing another piece into Kaneki’s mouth. “I’ll bring you one day.” What a laugh._ _

__“Fuck off,” Kaneki slurred. Tsukiyama didn’t seem disturbed by his mood. In fact, he was disgustingly happy. He finished feeding Kaneki and bandaged him, promising that the wound would be gone in the morning._ _

__And then he turned off the lights._ _

__“What are you doing?” Kaneki asked, panic waking him._ _

__“Letting you sleep,” came the reply from somewhere across the room. “I’m not moving you like this.”_ _

__“Don’t want to sleep in here,” Kaneki tried to complain, but he was already drifting, worn from the pain and the bitter anger that threatened to surge from beneath it. He felt helpless._ _

__“I won’t touch you,” Tsukiyama promised, laughter in his words. “Rest up, and I’ll begin my end of the deal.”_ _

__Kaneki made a questioning sound._ _

__“Your kagune. We can’t have anyone killing you.” The way Tsukiyama said it…. It was the _anyone_ that bothered him. He sounded possessive._ _

__Kaneki drifted to sleep, dreams of fleeing from ravenous wild dogs plaguing his sleep._ _


End file.
